Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my being single is dangerous.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
