He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone came in the potted fern
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
