there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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