Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
