This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
