would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
