my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
