I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
