walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
