If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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