I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
