I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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