He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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