Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
