picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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