where am i from again
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
