had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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