thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
