I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
