he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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