Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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