I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
handjob tips. give me some.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
