Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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