Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
