i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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