maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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