I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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