no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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