My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
