the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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