She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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