I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
