I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
