Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
