$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
