i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
