I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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