I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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