Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this will be a night to untag.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
