there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
