Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
