I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
