There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
