Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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