I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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