it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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