Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
