At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
