Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
