We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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