after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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