I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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